Essay contest: Coinpersons.info

[josemartins]

As promised in a previous post, here’s my next contest (not fully developed as i meant and it should have some grammar problems but i've been busy,busy,busy…) :

 

Disclaimer: Any similarity of these characters with living persons is pure coincidence.

 

Coinpersons.info: The Movie

 

A lot of people will find this silly and childish, and, well..., they're right but that won’t stop me! (Remember that some people earn a living by doing this kind of things anyway…)

 

Unlike me, most of our members are good writers, all i ask is a short story or dialog (novel or drama style) with at least 3 characters chosen from the list below and with at least 250 Words, based on the story-line below:

 

The Webmaster of a numismatic discussion forum (coinpersons.info), Sgt. Maj. Stuart "Shorty" Budwise (Character), has just won the state lottery and invited all the board members for a get together in his hometown at his expenses, unfortunately after a week his family finds out that presumably his dog "Spock" had eaten the prize ticket, the main outcome is that good old "Shorty" has to endure a 1 year commission at Mcmurdo's U.S.base in order to pay all the damages made by his guests all around town. The final moment of the movie is when "Shorty" screams after reading a email from his wife (after 11 2/3 months) telling him that the ticket have been found and everybody will be back!

 

The stories i'm asking you guys to write about, take place on that week when all the people were together and poor old "Shorty" behaved like a millionaire.

 

Our characters (Besides “Shorty”):

 

- “Mr. and Mrs. O'Hare”

The nice and friendly couple, they have met when they were actors in a “Off-Broadway” production of the musical “Hair”, they use fishing trips as an excuse to check their empire of nudist camps north of the border, Mrs. O’Hare is also the worldwide famous rap composer “Sista’ Bunny”.

 

- “Easy Cool”

The blues musician, he always stays cool, no matter what!!!

 

- “Miss Lenore”

Having past problems with the law because of an unlicensed farm meant for producing snake food (breeding of small mammals) and nicknamed “Evil Lady” by Shorty’s kids, at some point is found that she’s not that nasty and actually writes a sentimental column for a newspaper (Ask Aby’s).

 

-“Pierre van Erikson”

The Dutch guy, the special Amsterdam “smokes” he’s giving away all the time will be the cause of some mayhem around town.

 

- “Large Andyyy” and “Katttt”

Stars of the huge successful political talk radio show “The Andyyy and Katttt Hour” (Know by fans as the AK show, now on its consecutive 47th month of broadcasting), not only have a feud amongst them, but also between their families.

 

- “Count Lappi”

From Finland, this quiet member of Finnish aristocracy took all his family to the US to the get-together, unfortunately they were followed by their clingy Swedish neighbour who’s trying to talk everybody into a cult (which main dogma consists of self erotica practices while watching Ingmar Bergman movies!)

 

- “Mr. Simon and Dr. Sylvester”

The same person, but at night the friendly Mr. Simon becomes Dr. Sylvester the mad scientist who’s ultimate goal is achieving time travel, aiming to the 18th and 19th centuries (Although some people say that his only interest is going back 50 years in time and develop a intimate relation with – at the time - Princess Elizabeth).

 

- “Mr. X”

Almost nothing is known about him except that he wares a cape, a mask and speaks English with a strong Spanish accent.

 

- “King Twist”

Pretender to the English throne, he promotes good manners above everything else.

 

- “T. Christwald”

German reporter, always looking for a scope!

 

- “Mr. Panduru”

From a European eastern country, his luggage consists only in a large hammer, he spends all week sharpening wood objects and looking suspiciously at the O’Hare’s.

 

- “The Labby family”

The always-smiling family, their 55 Labrador dogs have a huge potential for trouble…

 

- “Corey”

The amnesiac guy that can’t remember anything after just a few minutes…

 

- “Artie”

Great guy, but he always leaves his chores to be done at the last minute, he actually only arrives at the bus station when everyone is set to go home.

 

- “Bennie - The Playboy”

Loves fast cars and found the secret that all women actually only look at the figure on a bill, it doesn’t matter the banknote denomination at all… (Dollars, Pounds, Intis…)

 

- “Owl eye”

He’s the Native American guy, the last surviving warrior of the once powerful Arkansaw nation.

 

- “P. Davidoff”

An infiltrated Russian secret agent, peculiarly enough he always wears a traditional Scottish skirt although he lives in the US for over 2 decades.

 

-“Jurgen”

He’s a German immigrant with an ambitious political agenda (His motto: If an Austrian can do it…).

 

- “Wally”

A guy who spends all his money in hockey bets and pretends to be a homeless guy to get some cash to sustain his “habit” (always carries a broken metal detector so the wife won’t get suspicious if he brings home a huge quantity of coins). Sometimes runs into problems with the police because of his obscene drawings on building walls.

 

- “Prof. Burkenstein”

He’s known for his out of the ordinary experiments on round metal objects, always a strong candidate to the Chemistry’s Nobel Prize.

 

- “Fritz” and “Mermaid”

A collector of WW 2 medals, named after his grandfather who came from Germany in 1945, later his girlfriend discovers that his uncle (who instigated his passion) is actually using him to discover Allied WW2 veterans and strangle them as a revenge for the death of his family.

 

- “The great Antonievsky”

Canada’s greatest magician, seems to know everything and always have good advice on everyone thoughts (even if you’re sitting in the “can” and didn’t spoke a word, he will turn up from behind the shower curtain and will help you out…), later, he will take care of the forum during Shorty’s “vacation” to Antarctica.

 

- “Nurse Sandy”

Expecting a holiday after a few years without a break, she founds herself solicited by everyone to solve the most insignificant health problems, as time goes by her treatments became harsher and harsher…

 

- “Tattoo Jinx”

He just got his Tattoo degree, he give free ink to everybody, but he is a little less then perfect.

 

- “The Canadian Coin Dude”

Always trying to be calm and reserved, but trouble seems to find him no matter what.

 

- “Office Ninja” and “Sweet Cherry”

Although his girlfriend always trying to keep him under control, he thinks that all Asian people knows martial arts, his greetings always end with someone at the hospital (4 people alone when he met his girlfriend’s family…)

 

- “Hirohito Romanov”

Self-proclaimed descendant of the Romanov dynasty (as the great, great son of Princess Anastasia who fled to Japan in 1918…) also often tries to make other people believe his hair is naturally blonde…

 

- “Bob O.”

A New Jersey freedom fighter for his state secession of the USA!

 

- “Timmy D’Agnelli”

He’s the largest FIAT salesman in the USA.

 

- “Lil’ Roddy”

He’s a hardware computer wizard with a thing for strange, flashy and somewhat offensive t-shirts.

 

- “Daniel Adams”

A man who loves his beer and baseball but annoyingly complains all the time about the continuous rise on fuel prices.

 

- “Enrico Mancini”

Famous detective, he will help Fritz trapping his evil uncle.

 

 

Ok, 2 weeks to get your writing on this thread, the winner will be chosen by his peers (in a poll topic). The surprise award will be given in proportion to the story’s merit.

 

 

Jose

[gxseries]

- “Hirohito Romanov”

Self-proclaimed descendant of the Romanov dynasty (as the great, great son of Princess Anastasia who fled to Japan in 1918…) also often tries to make other people believe his hair is naturally blonde…

 

hahahahaah

[akdrv]

Bravo, Jose!

[tabbs]

Don't know whether I should participate here. Jose, your first message was so hilarious that will be hard to "top" that!

 

Christian

[Tiffibunny]

What a nice thing to wake up to.

[ccg]

[jlueke]

[Ætheling]

Damn he's onto us, although i believe Sylvester was actually after Elizabeth I... so add 400 years onto the 50 you stated and you'd be close!

 

It would make interesting reading indeed though.

[josemartins]

I've had this idea about a few weeks ago, but only start to write it two days before the post, it would be much better if i start writing it a few days before (more development, more characters...).

Was thinking in a Portuguese character, but if i did that, then it was very likely that this contest would have 10 entries with a plot suspisciously similar to "Murder on the Orient Express"...

 

 

Jose

[banivechi]

- “Mr. Panduru”

From a European eastern country, his luggage consists only in a large hammer, he spends all week sharpening wood objects and looking suspiciously at the O’Hare’s.#

Wood objects?

[Art]

I can't wait. I've so enjoyed the groundrules that the stories will be like icing on the cake. I'll send my entry a few days after the close of the contest.

[Guest Stujoe]

Good stuff! Wish I was creative enough to add to it!

[Rotten Rodney]

You win. . .

[ikaros]

Egad... my writer's block has broken a little. Heh. I'll check back in later. No promises, no guarantees.

[Kat]

Jose? Do we pm entries to you or post them?

[josemartins]

Post, the winner will be chosen after a poll (it won't be my decision).

 

Jose

[Kat]

Post, the winner will be chosen after a poll (it won't be my decision).

 

Jose

 

Thought that was what you meant--just wanted to make sure before I put my scribblings out there for the whole world to see.

[Kat]

Almost done...250 words!

[Kat]

The scene opens on a brightly lit talk show set with a large, grizzly man toting an AK-47 and a benevolent looking Siamese who said, “Good evening, I am your liberal host, Katttt, this is your conservative host Large Andyyy and you’re watching the Andyyy and Katttt Hour.” Large Andyyy growled, “Now, sit your butts down and get ready for the show! Ka-pow (gun discharge!) That was not a request! Okay, then, Katttt, tell us whom our guest panel is made up of tonight.”

 

Kat purred, “Our first guest, all the way from Amsterdam, Pierre Van Erikson, our Dutch friend who has been on a public speaking tour touting the pros of medical marijuana use.” Andyyy raised his gun and, “Ka-pow! My friend AK-47 has a few things to say about that hopped up issue!”

 

Katttt continued, “Also on our show, the elusive Office Ninja and his lovely partner, Sweet Cherry. I’d like to give a plug for their latest novel, currently at the top of the best seller’s list entitled The Oriental Art of Computer Ergonomics for Word Processors with Three-inch Long Acrylic Nails.” Again from Andyyy, “Ka-pow! Left Wing garbage--lazy employees wasting more workers’ compensation time!”

 

Kat winced and said, “Thanks, Large Andyyy, on to our next guest, Timmy D’Agnelli, multiple winner of the FIAT salesman of the year award.”

 

Andy pointed the gun at a target across the stage and squeezed off a long round, “That’s a big twenty-one gun salute for that boy’s entrepurnurealship (sniff) brings a tear to my eye.”

 

Katttt pulled her paws from her ears and said, “Last but not least, three-time Grammy Award winner, King of the classic blues, Easy Cool!” Andyyy hooted, “Gee haw--bring on the hoedown! Ka-pow, Ka-pow, Ka-pow!”

 

Trying to maintain her composure, Katttt announced, “Our topic this evening is something we all have in common, a special invitation to attend America’s newest millionaire’s coming out party. Who are talking about? None other than the lucky lad, Shorty who is sending a stretch Hummer limo to pick up Large A, our Guest Panel and yours truly in approximately five minutes.” “Bah! That Shorty boy won the lottery--not like old money from a good family,” barked Andy, “Ka-pow!”

 

“The rest of our show this evening,” said Katttt, “Will be spent live on the air chatting about this week’s upcoming events while we travel to our mystery destination.” Andyyy snorted, “Bah! Liberal secrets, Ka-pow!” “Chill, Large Andyyy,” said Easy Cool, “You’re givin’ me the blues and I don’t have my friend Lucille with me--she’s supposed to be coming with the limo.” “Why I ought to...” grumbled Large Andyyy. “Hurray,” cheered Katttt, “I am getting the signal from the Stage Manager that our limo has arrived.” Don’t go away folks,” said Andyyy, “We have to view a few subliminal messages from the left-wing liberal media. Ka-pow!”

 

Camera fades out and the Director, Jose, says, “Cut! Okay folks let’s saddle up! We have three minutes until we’re back on the air. Anybody who needs to use the litter box had better go now!

 

Katttt said, “Sweet Cherry, my dear, let’s leave these Neanderthals to their own devices while we powder our noses. Please you must show me you lovely daughter Meatwad’s newest pictures! I’m sure those celebrity rags don’t do the little angel justice!” “Absolutely,” cooed sweet Cherry. “You must see my new Power Point presentation of her first birthday party.” “I don’t have my laptop, said Katttt.” “No need,” said Sweet Cherry, “We can watch it on my new micro LCD acrylic nail DVD/CD/MP3 player.” As they entered the outer lounge of the restroom hall, Sweet Cherry twisted the button on her lift ring finger acrylic nail and an eerie holographic image of the lovely Princess Meatwad appeared as she proclaimed in her cherubic voice, “Help me Office Ninja, you’re my only hope!”

 

The Stage Manager called out a warning, “Almost air time; ten seconds, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four...”

 

Suddenly, the door they had just passed through exploded inward in a huge cloud of smoke. As the smoke cleared, Katttt was startled to see the Office Ninja standing motionless in a perfect squatting dog position. “Whatever are you doing, my dear boy,” asked Katttt.

 

“Let me answer your question with a question, Katttt! Is it true that you’re a Siamese?” Katttt nodded the affirmative and opened her mouth to say something when, quicker than a hot tamale exiting a drunken Daniel Adams stuck in a public restroom at the local Gas and Go writing nasty graffiti about the huge, bloodsucking energy monopolists that were a boil on the butt of humanity, the Office Ninja’s foot flew out and he executed a perfect one and a half with a twist and ended up behind Katttt whom he booted in the bum sending her sailing straight through the air, out the exploded door and into the lap of a very surprised Pierre Van Erikson. He immediately and politely asked, “Do you need a light?” “Thank you, but no,” an unruffled Katttt said while clambering onto the floor, “Gave it up but keep up the good fight!” Van Erikson smiled, nodded and picked up his man bag, an exclusive Ogre Butt hide attaché with an impressive set of built in 007 style technologies and headed to the limo followed by Easy Cool who appeared to be floating along the red carpet behind Van Erikson (or was it just the ethereal vapor cloud left by Pierre’s sweet smelling stogie?)

 

“Come on and apologize to the nice Katttt,” chimed Sweet Cherry to the Office Ninja. “Sorry,” mumbled Office. “Not necessary,” beamed Katttt dreamily, “I suddenly bear no ill will toward any being, including George Bush. Moreover, I have a terrible craving for Doritos, Mt. Dew, a deluxe pizza with peppers and a king-size Hershey Bar. Oh, and Corn Nuts, don’t forget the Corn Nuts! Are there munchies in the limo?” Office and Cherry shrugged at each other and headed off in a cloud of aromatic smoke whispering and giggling like little school children.

 

“Get a room,” said Large Andyyy, “Ka-pow!” Large Andyyy strode from his dressing room in his baby seal slippers, tanned leather and Asian silkworm Hugh Hefner style smoking jacket and matching jammi pants. “Nobody wants another mouth to feed,” he snarked. “Shame on you, Large Andyyy,” chided Katttt, “I would much rather a child come into this world by two adoring parents like Office and Sweet Cherry, whom I admire for their devotion and good example they set for other yard ape nannies, in general.” Andyyy hung his head in shame and said, “Sorry, my extreme moral majority streak from my father’s side was showing.” “Goodness,” said Katttt, “What did you inherit from your mother?” “I have my mother’s thighs,” smiled Andyyy as he lifted his kilt up almost to his red and black paid flannel shirt with red, white and blue suspenders. “Eeek, manners!” shrieked Katttt. Andyyy blushed and tripped off to the limo, opened the door and slide inside the mammoth purple gas guzzler while Daniel Adams walked back and forth on the sidewalk next to the limo carrying a sign that read, ‘Cheap gas now!’ while he chanted, “What do we want, CHEAP GAS, when do we want it, NOW!”

 

Katttt grabbed her ‘I’m a Tree Hugger’ knapsack, fuzzy woobie, rubber chicken and headed out the door to the ride while the pure strains of Lucille’s strings sang out, coaxed by the deftly fluid movements of Easy Cool’s long sinuous fingers gliding across her smooth glossy mahogany surface. Andyyy poked his head out the door and growled, “Clean it up Katttt, this is a family show!” Katttt blushed and said, “Sorry I get carried away. Now, we’re missing someone here--where’s Timmy D’Agnelli?” “Here!” came a voice from the front of the hummer. “Congratulate me, Katttt, I just cut a deal to manufacture and sell 1,000,000 union-made Fiat limos in the U.S. That’s what you like to hear, huh, Katttt?” Katttt beamed and said, “There’s hope for you yet, Timmy D!” “Shotgun,” yelled Timmy as he jumped in the passenger side and the limo driver revealed himself to be Bennie, the notorious playboy who drove fast cars for a living and liked his women even faster. Bennie signaled, “Ready when you are, Katttt!” Katttt replied, “Let me just coax Daniel Adams in the car with a six pack and we’ll be off!”

 

“Don’t forget us, yelled the camera crew as they piled their equipment into the Hummer. A minute later, they were off to their big adventure at Shorty’s. “I wonder if there’ll be a shooting range,” asked Large Andyyy who was beginning to doze off, lulled by the effect of the half a box of over-the-counter Dramamine he had consumed with a dry martini right before departure. He smiled and gripped his AK-47 in his sleep as the motley crew sped down the highway in search of further adventure at Shorty’s. “Sweet dreams, Righty,” purred Katttt. “Rotten SOB’s, tax, tax, tax,” mumbled Andyyy as he sank into a deep, dreamless sleep.

[josemartins]

 

Glad i've joined you two instead of making two separate characters ( was thinking of a pyromaniac preacher and the French aristocrat "Catherine LeChat").

 

OK everybody, if you don't want "Kat" to be the winner by default you should post an essai until April 30th.

 

To motivate your "inspiration", this contest prize consists in (both coins for the winner):

Portugal - 50 escudos - 1972 "Lusiadas" (Like the current "jlueke" avatar) - AU/UNC

Prussia (Germany) - 3 Mark - 1912 A - XF/AU

 

Jose

[Kat]

[BiggAndyy]

Scene 2: At the Airbase

 

Fade In: Morning at McMurdo Airbase on the tarmack. A large C-130 cargo plane is surrounded by a television crew, lights, cameras, and Large Andyy and Kattt.

 

LA: "Now THIS is what I am talking about! A fully loaded fully and gased C-130 cargo plane just waiting to be put to good use!"

 

Kattt, acting disinterested while giving undue attention to a ficticious hangnail: "Yes, it's lovely."

 

Kattt slumps down into her producers chair waiting for this morning to be over with.

 

LA: "Where is Shorty? He should be here by now. You'd think a couple a million dollars and the guy could afford a stinking alarm clock! SHORRRRTY!!!"

 

Kattt: "Shut up you buffoon! You are NOT getting me on that thing and that's final."

 

LA: "Oh, you WILL go up. I am the stick that stirs this cup of coffee and when I say jump you say NOTHING and start jumping."

 

Kattt: "hsssssss!"

 

LA: "Whatever... SHOOOORRRRRTYYYY!"

 

Andyyy looks around the numerous boxes and pieces of equipment looking for the Sgt Maj, expecting to see him jumkp out at any moment.

 

LA: "Fine, we will get on board ourselves."

 

Andyyy jumps up onto the loading ramp of the cargo plane and begins to bark directions, most of which are completely backwards to what actually needs to be done to make the equipment work.

 

The crew has long ago learned to just say "Yes Andyyy," and do things the way they need to be done. While the crew began setting up the set INSIDE the C-130 a hummer rolls up on the other side of the plane unknown to the film crew working busily in the back of the aircraft.

 

Pilot 1: "This old hulk is being taxied out to the firing range for artillery practice. Has anyone seen the Sgt Maj. to sign off on this thing's transfer to the field artillery unit?"

 

Pilot 2: "No, he hasn't reported into the base yet."

 

Pilot 1: "Figures. If he isn't careful that 2 million bucks is going to cost him a dishonorable discharge. Let's climb aboard and get the pre-flight checklist going. I don't want to be around here any longer than necessary, especially when that artillery starts up at 0900."

 

Meanwhile inside the cargo area the tv crew has finished the set and LA is "encouraging" Kattt to climb aboard.

 

LA: "Get the flock on board woman! This is your last chance!"

 

Kattt: "Or what? You'll leave without me? That is just fine by me. I hate this show and I hate you." Kattt folds her arms and resolutely remains in her chair on the tarmack. She scowls at Andyyy.

 

LA: "GET ON BOARD! Where is Shorty? Dammit, it's already 8 o'clock, where is everybody?" Andyyy paces nervously at the top of the C-130's loading ramp.

 

Cut to bedroom scene: Sgt Maj Shorty Budwise snorts loudly as he lies in his undershorts on top of the sheet in bed. The digital alarm clock display is dark because the clock has a large screwdriver smashed into the top of it. Mrs. Sgt Maj. Shorty Budwise is nowhere to be found.

 

Shorty: "snork*snore"

 

The phone rings on the night stand. And rings and rings and rings. Finally a screwdriver laiden fist arcs towards the nightstand. A crash and the phone stops ringing.

 

Shorty: "OUCH! DAMMIT! Stupid phone!" He jerks up to a seated position on the edge of the bed grasping a now bleeding hand, cut by the sharp plastic shards of the former telephone. A few more choice explatives and it is off to the bathroom to rinse out the cut.

 

Back at the C-130: Andyyy slams shut his flip type cellphone and curses.

 

LA: "Where is that jerk?! He isn't at home, no one is answering."

 

From inside the C-130: "Mr. Andyyy, the set is ready."

 

LA: "Finally, I was going to come back and do it myself. KATTT! Get your feline tail up here NOW!"

 

Kattt: "Do it yourself, I'll stay back here and prepare yours and the stage crews obituaries." She was serious.

 

Andyyy begins down the ramp fully prepared to pick up the chair with Kattt still in it just like he has done several times before. Katt realizes that she is not going to be able to not go on this foolish trip and stand up from her chair.

 

Kattt: "Okaaaaay. I'm coming. Where is Shorty? I thought he was going to pilot the tour of the airbase for the show."

 

LA: "He'll be here, he better."

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Kat]

 

 

[tabbs]

Kat(tt) and Andy(yy), you are just too funny! Great scenes!

 

Christian

[josemartins]

 

We've got a competition! You are very good, great text...

 

 

Jose