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Coinpeople Murder Mystery

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This is a simple competition really, just read the story and predict who the villian is. Now the villian might be in the room or they might not be in the room, infact as it stands it has not been decided who it is. (I'm making this thing up as i go along).


Involved in the story are;



Bigg Andyy






and LeSnipe (as a corpse)



Any other members of Coinpeople not in the above list might be responsible for the situation the characters above are in, then again one of the characters themselves might be the villain of the piece.


Now i shall say this is fairly long but hopefully entertaining enough that you'll not notice. Part 1 of the mystery is below, if the plot sounds familiar then you've been watching too many films, or this is a spoof, either way. Put your speculative brains to the test.


Who's responsible?

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The light flicked on, of course that’s what lights do, well generally, although some require more input than merely flicking a switch, some are awkward. Six bewildered coinpeople members sat squinting in the glare emanating from the uncovered light bulb, how they’d got there they’d hadn’t a clue.

“Oww” squealed Andyy as he fell backwards into the wall. “Where the hell am I?”

“Looks like a, well kinda like a bathroom of sorts” remarked Anton staring around the room. If the Coinpeople folks were bewildered before, they were definitely stunned now.

“How the hell did we get here?” said Andyy as he fell over a stray chain trailing on the floor suspiciously near his foot. As he toppled to the floor with a thud a pain coursed through his ankle, cold metal pressed against him.

“You might wanna watch that chain round your ankle you know” stated Sylvester who seemingly had now accrued himself the much coveted role of Captain Obvious (or so he’d like to think). Needless to say Andyy was not amused and was even less amused as Stujoe fell on the floor laughing.

Laughter soon stopped though as Tiffany let out a scream and attracted the attention of the rest of the room wondering what the heck was going on, although a few others soon joined in when they saw the corpse of LeSnipe in the middle of the room.

“That’s LeSnipe”, kerch’ng! Two points to Sylvester for obviousness. “Isn’t it?” *wa, wa, wuuuw* minus a point for negating the previous.

Erik stepped forward from the side of the room for a closer inspection of the body, “he’s been dead a while, clock cold”.

Whilst the others were fluctuating from hysteria to panic and often both at the same time Anton had been having a ponder, he sat down and calmly remarked, “Lemme see; dead body, dirty bathroom, we’re all chained to the wall… I suppose all we need now is a few saws and a tape player with some tapes”

“Saws are over there” Said Sylvester beaming with joy that he’d found them first, simple things and all.

“Ah crap!” iterated Stujoe… “crap, crap, crap!” he reiterated.

Erik and Tiffany trembling from the sight of the body sat down next to each other and tried not to think, it must be a dream, it must be a dream. Erik swiftly rose ran to the bath and threw up. Tiff went over to him.

“You alright Erik?”

“I haven’t felt this bad since I saw that Ronald Reagan movie”.

“Oy!” Demanded Bigg Andyy hauling himself back up off of the floor, “you leave Ronald out of this!”

Much argument followed after this, mostly between Stujoe and Andyy involving such merriments as threatening to introduce objects, not unlike saws, to places, not unlike those often found partaking of a respite upon seats, in a most experimental manner. Of course the discussion was more colourfully and more eloquently put than that but it amounted to the same thing. Andyy fell over and this time out of his pocket tumbled a tape.

“I guess that leaves us one remaining question” remarked Anton, “where’s the player?”

“Not with the tape”

“Will someone shut him up and stop him saying stupidly obvious things like that before I throw a saw at him!” growled Anton with much vehemence, pointing his finger of oblivion in Syl’s direction.

“I think I see it” said Tiff pointing up to the top of the shower curtain rail above Syl’s head.

“Excellent! That’s what we need” Stujoe chimed and started walking towards the shower to get it but his chain wasn’t long enough to permit it and with a yank it pulled his footing from under him and he fell face first into the filthy cracked tiles. Andyy laughed, hard, harder than the floor even.

Sylvester reached up and got the tape player down, “Oy! Andyy throw us the tape”,

“You throw me the player!” Andyy demanded.

“What and risk breaking it you dunce?” Snarled Stujoe, not amused at Andyy laughing at his mishap. Andyy furiously skimmed the tape straight into Stujoe’s forehead whereby it bounced off and Erik caught it.

“Catch” Erik threw the tape at Syl who predictably dropped it, luckily the tape wasn’t smashed. It was placed into the tape player and…

“Big Andyy…” the voice squealed coming out of the tape player. Now naturally you’d think after setting all this up whoever had done this would have a deep voice, well you’d be wrong. The voice sounded more like a cross between a chipmunk and a 33rpm BeeGee’s album being played at 45rmp. “I want to play a game, to survive you must kill all the others, how is up to you…”

Erik laughed.

“yep not a problem” stated Andyy matter of factly. Erik stopped laughing, he and Stujoe looked at each other with concern, Tiffany had a look akin to ‘just try it pal’, Anton was horrified and Sylvester was picking at the grouting between the tiles.

“…you see the clock on the wall, you have till 3 o’clock to do this…” (it was five to three), “…if you don’t then you will die”.

“Five minutes Andyy, I don’t think he can kill us all in five minutes”. Everyone turned to look at Sylvester, “what?”.

Andyy turned white and wondered what the hell he was gonna do, he sat there thinking of elaborate plans and all he could do if he had a grenade, or a gun, or even a friggin’ toaster, ah jeeze. Then again he thought maybe a simple plan is sometimes the best, hmm who’s stupid enough, who’s daft enough, who’s… “hey Syl”


“Chuck us a saw over would you”

“You must be joking!”

“But it’s a matter of life and death”

“Exactly, that’s why it can stop where it is!”

I’m not getting far thought Andyy, the clock’s second finger ticked precariously close to the hour of doom, time seemed to go real slow as the minute finger shifted onto the twelve and ponder before taking the plunge. The clock hit three, the lights went out. There was a scream.

“I guess we must have overslept, heck I seem to recall they got longer than five minutes in the film” Sylvester said from the gloom.

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Part 2


The lights came back on Stujoe sat blinking and cautiously turned to where Andyy had been sat just behind him on the right and to his amazement Andyy was sat there blinking and looking really worried, and amazed that he was still here.

“Hey, he’s still alive!” Offered Sylvester from the other side of the room, but there were no takers this time as at that instant Tiffany tripped over Anton who was lying in a pool of blood, and quite clearly dead, profoundly so in fact.

The five survivors trembled and worried extensively about their long term prospects.

“Why did they take Anton instead of Andyy?” Erik asked

“Jeeze thanks a lot guys, nice to be appreciated, real buddies you lot are…”

“All the tape said was that he had to kill us or die, it didn’t say when he’d die, just that he had to kill us by 3 o’clock, but it didn’t specify which 3 o’clock!” Stated Tiffany matter of factly, now that she’d recovered from the initial shock of seeing LeSnipe’s remains strewn across the floor.

“You lot are worse than bloody Democrats” murmered Andyy

“Who’s to say that the ‘they’ aren’t Andyy? Who’s to say that he didn’t turn the lights off and kill Anton?” Stujoe stated as he slipped on his metaphorical hat, overcoat and big pipe and geared himself up into the detective extraordinaire.

“Oh yeah Clouseau whilst I’m chained to a wall?” Snarled Andyy, “Anyway if it had been me, you would have been the first!”

“Well someone did it.” Interceded the other side of the room.

“Well du’h Sylvester, why don’t you engage brain before making ludicrous comments you dunce!”

“Stujoe, that’s a bit harsh, I was only pointing out the obv…”

“..vious, yes, like you always do, why don’t you tell us something useful for a change?” Stujoe really began getting angry “what we need to do is, not sit here bitching at each other, but find a way out of here!”

“Well now who’s being obvious… ‘let’s find a way out’” mimicked Andyy. Stujoe gave him the look. No the look but THE look. Andyy backed down and fell over. No one laughed.

“Obviously, we’re here for a reason and some sicko has got a game plan and we’re gonna have to play the game to survive” Tiffany then elaborated further “I mean there must be keys lying around somewhere, or a door, or more tapes or something!”

“That’s the first sensible suggestion we’ve had today” remarked Stujoe. “Erik you check the bathtub since you messed it up, Tiff you search wherever you can reach on your chain. Syl since you’re already sat in the shower perhaps you could start there. Andyy you stay where you are and don’t even think about moving”

“I don’t intend to”

The search got underway, and to be frank was not all it was hoped it would be. After a while the members sat down and watched the minute finger hit twelve again and the clock summoned the hour of four.

Stujoe played the tape found in Bigg Andyy’s pocket over and over and other than the initial message there was nothing, no clues, nothing. Stujoe was frustrated.

“Try the other side” Suggested Erik.

“Why?” Stujoe inquired

“Why, not? It’s not like we’ve found anything else”

The tape was forwarded to the end and turned over, at first there was just crackling on the tape and then…

“Stujoe…” The same squirrel-like voice shrilled from the player’s speakers, in more usual circumstances the urge to laugh would have given away to a three hour giggling campaign, but somehow locked in a musty old bathroom, chained to the wall with nothing but a few saws and lots of mildew for comfort, the urgency to laugh was dissipated into the dim dank surroundings. “…dead men tell no secrets.” The message abruptly ended and Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley came on half way through as if the original owner had forgotten to wipe it.

“turn it off, turn it off, turn it off…” Sylvester shrieked with urgency as he rolled around in the base of the shower clutching his ears, “arrgghhhhh”.

“You know, he’s been quite well composed up until now!” laughed Tiffany.

“Not a very professional job is it?” Said Erik staring at the tape player, fancy leaving that on there, but Stujoe wasn’t listening.

“Dead men tell no lies…” he murmered

“Ironic no?” commented Andyy unexpectedly.

“What do you mean?”

“Elvis died in the bathroom too!” Andyy shook his head. Stujoe put the player down and pointed emphatically at Tiff and Erik and then to the remains of Anton and LeSnipe “check their pockets!”.

At first nothing, then in LeSnipe’s pocket there was a clink, Tiffany pull out a bunch of keys!

“Yes! Ah Ha” the whole group cheered with excitement, except Sylvester who was still writhing around on the shower floor with his fingers in his ears “has it stopped yet?” he exclaimed, he was ignored.

Erik pulled a scrap of paper out of Anton’s pocket, “what the?”, he unfolded the paper and read it. Tiffany turned to see Erik’s complexion go drip white.

“What is it Erik? What’s it say?”

“I… I… I can see you” he mumbled. The lights went out and there was a scream.

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Part 3


The light seemed to be off for a eternity this time, Stujoe had remained fairly strong throughout the ordeal thus far but he had to admit he was starting to get freaked out sat there in the dark waiting for the attacker to come from any direction. The sounds of muffled bumbling about and the echoes of movement were tormenting, the sound of running water abounded from his left, the sound of someone battling and tussling around on the floor. The other members either sat or stood as motionlessly as possible and as quietly as possible hoping that if they could somehow fade into the murky dark that they could go unnoticed.

The light buzzed on again and lit up the room once more. The sight was somewhat of a surprise.

“Syl why are you dripping wet?” remarked Andyy

“Ah I err… I must have caught the tap thing here, gave me a nasty fright that did” he said shaking the water off before pointing his dripping arm towards the middle of the room as if to inquire…

“Look Anton and LeSnipe have gone!” shrieked Tiffany with surprise although Sylvester soon wrestled the conversation back under his control, when he bluntly enquired “more to the point where’s Erik?”

The members stared around to find only four of them left in the room, Erik, Anton and LeSnipe had all vanished. Only a pool of blood remained from where the bodies had been.

“Whoever it is must have got Erik, I heard a struggle and a scream” Stujoe said with a slow edge of nervousness creeping into his voice. Sylvester looked abashed and glowing red.

“Actually that was me that erm… kinda, well the water turning on like that did kinda take me unexpected and maybe I kinda…”

“Screamed?” Enquired Tiffany.

“If you say so” Sylvester suddenly took extreme interest in the floor and kicked a bit of debris around that had fallen from the wall, hoping that he’d soon be able to fade back out of this embarrassing limelight, instead it got worse. Bigg Andyy watched him kicking the plaster around and then rose to his feet and stood pointing at Sylvester.

“How comes you ain’t chained up like the rest of us?” he demanded. They all turned to Sylvester to see a lack of chains on either leg and no marks of them ever being there.

“Ah erm… didn’t I mention that? Ah yes I meant to” he stated shiftily.

“Why didn’t you mention it then?” Demanded Andyy, growing rather emphatic, it was kinda nice now there was a new suspect to pin it all on. Stujoe looked on with interest and Tiffany stood stunned.

“Well you see, I dunno, I got here and I was just sat like this with no chains and…” the stares in his direction were menacing “you don’t believe me do you?”

“Not bloody likely” barked Stujoe, “it’s you isn’t it, we’ve all got chains you haven’t, in fact you pointed out to Andyy he was chained up barely moments after the light came on, how did you know they were there, and you knew where the saws were, why did you take a shower in the dark? Wash away evidence perhaps?”

“Any fool could have seen those saws Stu, I mean look they’re sat over there on the floor and they ain’t been moved since I first saw them, the chains well I got eye’s ain’t I, I can see when someone’s chained up!” he said pointing emphatically and near poking himself in the whites “anyhow if I was responsible for this how comes I’m stuck in here with you and why ain’t I gone over there and got the saws and finished you all off?”

“Good point” interceded Tiffany.

“Still doesn’t explain the shower, why now, why not when the lights last went off?” Stujoe relishing his chance to sleuth it.

“Accident, as much as I’m loath to admit it!”

“How can we trust you?” Demanded Andyy.

“How can you not, it’s not like you’ve got a vast array of choices in front of you is it?” Sylvester haughtily retorted.

“Well…” Stujoe knew Sylvester was right in that respect, love it or loath it he was stuck in a room with a guy who was unchained and free to saw him up whenever he felt like it. Still it didn’t mean he had to trust him though, but still to save face it’s best to swiftly move onto something you can take thorough control of.

“Tiffany, you still got the keys right?”

“Yep, I still got them”

“It’s much” Bigg Andyy threw in as he sat back down, all this standing about was tiring, he was cold, hungry and most of all he wanted a pizza. Secretly, although he wouldn’t admit it, well not yet, he was still hurt by Stujoe having accused him like that, especially when the real culprit was sat across the room unchained in the shower. If he ever got out of here he’d saw them both up as the tape requested.

“Okay pass them here Tiffany and we’ll see if the keys fit in the padlock holding these blasted chains”. Tiffany threw the keys to Stujoe and he examined them.

“Hmm two keys, hopefully one should fit all the locks and the other… well maybe there’s a door or something” he said whilst trying the first key in his lock. It turned out to be no good, so he prayed whilst trying the other “come on, come on… argh damn grrrr” it was useless neither key would work.

“Oy! You keeping those keys to yourself or what?” Enquired Andyy. Stujoe reluctantly threw the keys over to Andyy and although he knew it was wrong he couldn’t help hoping that neither key would fit Andyy’s locks either, as it turned out Stujoe was pleasantly amused when Andyy cursed and threw the keys at Tiffany “here you try, for what good it’s worth”. Tiffany tried the first key, nothing, the second key seemed more willing to go along with the general idea of key/lock co-operation and to her amazement as she turned the key the padlock sprung open. Andyy and Stujoe sat despondently staring, Tiffany was relieved and Sylvester sat there with a manic grin.

“What’s the other key for then?” Andyy asked as if to challenge Tiffany, he couldn’t have her getting one over on him like this, how convenient that her lock opened and she could get unchained, bloody ironic.

“Good question Andyy, dunno”


“Yes Syl?”

“Those saws over there, do you think we should take a look at them”

“You can stay away from those bloody saws Syl!” demanded Stujoe

“Or what Stu? What you gonna do, you’re more than 7 foot away and chained to a wall in case you’d forgotten!” remarked Sylvester snidely.

“…” Stujoe offered, it was no good Sylvester had the upper hand, “you watch him though Tiff!”

Tiffany and Sylvester made their way over towards the saws.

“You really think I did it?” whispered Sylvester

“Hard to tell, you certainly had more chance that the rest of us had, but I dunno, why who you think it is?”

“Stujoe probably”

“What makes you say that?”

“Dunno, just a hunch” the volume rose “hey these saws look sharp”

“That supposed to be funny?” remarked Stujoe.

“Yep best joke I could think of” snapped Sylvester.

Tiffany and Sylvester picked up a saw each and underneath there was another scrap of paper. Tiffany unfolded it and read it aloud. “There is a door”

“That it?” Andyy asked pulling a face that would have been taken as a profound moment of tranquillity if Aristotle had pulled it, since Andyy had pulled it, it looked rather more like a cross between a confused llama and puppy waiting for the food bowl. Yes the whimpering look.

“Yep that’s the message in its entirety” remarked Tiffany. Before she’d finished the light failed again and the room was plunged into darkness, a chain clinked, wooshed and thud… “arrrgghhhh!” The scream died into the darkness along with whoever had cast it.

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I have to admit...twas not I.

I wasn't even invited.  And Sy, I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR BUDDY!!!! :ninja:




You were with a few others on a list, Art, Sisu, Rodney that were to make it into the room but i thought 'jeeze that's gonna be alot of chapters!', so i scaled it down a few. Although you never know.


Anyhow i might consider spoofing Cluedo at a later date, or maybe a re-write of James Cameron's Titanic is in order.

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Part 4


The pain seethed through his leg as did the cold metal, as the light flickered back on Stujoe groaned gritting his teeth, he grabbed Tiffany's former chain fastening real hard anything to make the pain go away.

Bigg Andyy glanced across at the blood pouring from Stujoe's leg and the saw that was embedded within. Tiffany screamed and shakingly scurried across to Bigg Andyy's side of the room dropping the saw she held as she ran to him, her clothes were splattered with blood. Sylvester was sprawled across the floor with half of his face caved in as the impact of a swung chain that had toppled him and extingished any hope of remaining life within.

"Argghhhh" Stujoe squeeled trying to hold onto what sanity he had left.

"What the hell happened?" Andyy enquired, he had been the furthest away and had no clue as to what had just occured, but then again he wondered if anyone else really knew.

"It was him i tell yer, thought you could get me didn't you!" Stujoe screamed.

"Who?" Andyy asked, although subconciously he knew to whom Stujoe was inferring.

"I felt a whoosh, it was so close, so damn close to me" Tiffany shrieked her hands trembling, "what the hell were you doing?" She snapped at Stu.

"He came at me with that saw, i knew he would, i knew he'd try and get me! As soon as he had the chance! But i got him better with this!" he said holding the chain up.

"So if he's responsible, why did the lights come back on?" Andyy enquired picking his teeth.

"Who turned them off in the first place!" Demanded Tiffany, "We were no where near a wall, no switches no nothing and he was by my side, he didn't go running at you!" Tiffany said getting flustered, her breaking voice getting defiant with anger "whoever it was came towards us! They nearly got both of us, i ducked!"

"He came at me!" Stujoe said "Arrggghhhhh" as he pulled the saw out of his leg and blood spurted out.

"You know you really should have left that in" Andyy stated haphazardly.

"Shut the f...."

"I was only saying, it might help stem blood loss!"

"Can't leave it in, it's rusty, it'd do more damage" Stujoe panted in pain. He took his shirt off and lapped it around his leg above the deep cut and tied it tight enough to slow blood flow but not cease it. "Anyone got any morphine?"

"I wish!" Andyy demanded, "or failing that food would be nice, a nice hot pizz..."

"We're not getting anywhere like this! We should be trying to find a way outta here instead of bitching at each other" Tiffany exclaimed.

"Whose bitchin'? I ain't bithcin', i'm just a sittin'!" Andyy retorted.

"grrr..." Tiffany picked up the saw and threw it towards Andyy, it bounced off the wall above him and fell just infront of his feet.

"Stop bitchin' you were saying?"

"Arrgghhh" Stujoe moaned trying to retain conciousness, the blood was oozing from his leg, itmust have got an artery. He was growing pale. Tiffany ran to his assistance.

"Is there anything i can do?"

"Get this blasted chain off!"

Stujoe handed her the saw and she started sawing with all her might, Andyy looked on and wondered if he should do the same, 'hmm dunno it seemed alot of hard work' he thought and resided to let someone else saw him free. Then again Stujoe might still be angry at him and have a go at him, and of course that tape had demanded he kill them before three, well what about that? There's only two of them now and Stujoe would deserve it, mind you Stujoe might die of blood loss anyhow leave just the bunny to deal with. Andyy picked up the saw and started sawing, jeeze this was hard he thought. To take his mind off of the physical exertion he decided to mull the recent event over in his head. Stujoe thinks that Sylvester took advantage of the lights going off to run over to him with the saw and inflict damage and therefore Stujoe bashed his brains in with the chain. Hmm plausible. Then on the other side of the argument Tiffany stated that Stujoe ran over with the chain and took a shot at Sylvester missing her only because she ducked. Well Sylvester's saw ended up in Stujoe's leg and Tiffany's former chain ended up through Sylvester's skull. The question is though how did Stujoe run over to Sylvester when he's chained to the wall? Conversely how did Sylvester get to Stujoe without moving from Tiffany's side? Plus Sylvester is lying in the same place he was stood before the lights went off! Andyy's head was swimming.

"Bloody hell!" The saw had snapped, Stujoe and Tiffany looked at each other with horrified glances. The chain was adamant that it wasn't going to be removed any time soon.

"Ha!" Andyy stated with joy as the saw parted the last thread of metal holding his chain together. With his leg clasp and five links of chain still in tow he was now free of the wall at least and he stood up and walked forth towards Tiffany menacingly holding the saw up! "Ha, ha! Finally!"

Stujoe and Tiffany looked worried as he stood before them, free to do as he bidded, Tiffany held up the broken saw defiantly her eyes demanding he stay back. He held the saw in front of her...

"Here try this one." He said handing the saw over. Tiffany and Stujoe were shocked.

"I don't think it's gonna... work" said Stujoe fighting for his breath. They'd have to get him out soon or it wouldn't be worth it. Tiffany took the new saw and sawed as fast as she could, but nothing. It wouldn't work.

"It sawed through mine!" Andyyy exclaimed.

"Mu..must..be a ..ddii fferent met...tal they've u.. used for the chain" Stujoe panted as he started slipping into unconciousness.

"We're losing him!" Andyy stated.

"Stay with us!" Tiffany pleaded, "don't go, no you can't go to sleep" it was hopeless though as he was clearly in a very bad way. "Andyy take those keys, look for a door, there must be a door, the note said there was one, you try and find it!".

"Alright, what are you gonna do?"

"If this chain don't come off then he's a dead man, the chain won't cut, so i suppose there's only one thing left to do" She grimaced with fear and anxiety. What else could she do though?

"Well he's already restricted the flow into that leg, luckily its the same one that's chained really". Andyy in a dismissive detached manner as he went off for a tour of the room, there wasn't a door anywhere, only a few urinals on the opposite wall, a bathtub to the left of Stujoe, a shower at the far left where Sylvester had been sat most of the time, a few mirrors and a... mirrors, MIRRORS, hang on a minute, Andyy wondered.

Tiffany picked up the saw and contempleted the task in hand, she placed the saw on Stujoe's chained left ankle and was pressing on awaiting the first forward cut and then darkness, Tiffany screamed.

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